Last day...

tomorrow will be the last day of walking into the place that for 10 yrs I have called my "happy place". Making the decission to leave, I know, is what is best right now. There is no room for growth and to be honest, I really could be utilized to do so much more.

I spent last night unable to sleep. Believe it or not, I cried myself to sleep just thinking of the people I have worked with. When I try to explain to my husband why I stayed as long as I have; he thinks it was to spite him and to some extent it was but it was more than that. I had a group of people who though they busted my shoes, made me feel as though I mattered. I had gone into get "help" and after I told the counselor some of what happened in my life, she looked at me open mouthed and said "How did you get through all that?!" I smiled and said, "I get by with a little help from my friends." I have about 5 really good friends, that I would look to for guidance. I see them more as brothers than anything else.

What will I miss the most? Probably the comraderie that these guys have to given me these past years. I always knew who I could turn to and they in turn knew if they needed something done, if I could do it, I would make it happen. What will I miss the least? The stress that I would put upon myself because I felt like I was constantly under the microscope.

A collegue once made an observation and told me that I seemed to be an "angry" person... which surprised me because I generally consider myself to be on the "happy" side. It made me think about what it was that made me feel as I did... after thinking about it, I realized it was my "happy place". These past few months made me realize that other than leaving, there was nothing I could change to make the situation better; so the decission to leave was made.

Over these past months, my hours had been pared back, so the act of "leaving" I think I will be ok with... it's just the fact that I will have to find another "Happy place". Perhaps when my husband finishes our bedroom, I think I will be able to call it my happy place.